If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. (Jack Kornfield)
Lack of forgiveness causes almost all of our self-sabotaging behavior. (Mark Victor Hansen)
If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others. (Dalai Lama)
Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself. (Nathaniel Brand)
A second quality of mature spirituality is kindness. It is based on a fundamental notion of self-acceptance.... (Jack Kornfield)
The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding yourself into the personality you want to be. Learn to love yourself, be gentle with yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others. (Wilfred Peterson)
What if there was one choice you could make that would change everything in your life for the better? Actually, there is. It’s the choice to move out of judgment and into compassion for yourself and others. Compassion is defined as a deep caring for the pain of others, often accompanied by a desire to help. There is nothing that feels more wonderful and comforting than experiencing another’s compassionate response to our painful feelings and experiences. However, it’s interesting that compassion is never defined in terms of oneself. Yet, compassion is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. In fact, when we give compassion to others but not to ourselves, we often end up feeling alone, worn out, and uncared for.
Jackie is a good example of a person who has compassion for others but not for herself. She is a very caring mother and wife. She listens compassionately to her husband’s work problems and does all she can to help him, even when she is having her own work problems. She is always there for her children, helping them with whatever problems arise, as well as for her co-workers. Everyone sees Jackie as a very loving person – and she is. So why is she often unhappy? Why is she often so fatigued and depleted? The problem is that Jackie is completely out of touch with her own feelings.
Jackie is so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs that she never tunes into herself and her own feelings and needs. She doesn’t know when she is tired or when she needs time for herself. She doesn’t know when she is feeling sad, lonely, or anxious. Because she has no compassion for herself, she finds herself using food to fill the inner emptiness that is the result of not taking loving care of herself.
Richard, on the other hand, lacks compassion for both himself and others. While it may seem as if he has compassion for himself, he also is not tuned into his own feelings. It seems like Richard has compassion for himself because he does what he wants – buys what he wants, goes after what he wants, spends time the way he wants. But his choices are coming from his fears and his addictive need to fill up from outside with things and approval rather than from love and compassion for himself. In addition, he is usually unconscious regarding the effect his behavior has on others. He keeps people waiting, doesn’t do what he says he is going to do, and becomes judgmental rather than compassionate in the face of another’s difficulties. Instead of caring when his wife is tired or needs help, he gets resistant and resentful that she isn’t there for him or is asking something of him.
A lack of compassion for oneself and others is a major cause of inner and relationship unhappiness. In terms of personal growth, if you were to just focus on making compassion your highest priority – both for yourself and for others – you would find yourself progressing toward happiness, peace and joy more rapidly than you can imagine. We move into compassion for ourselves when we know that we have very good reasons for our feelings and behavior, and into compassion for others when we know that others also have very good reasons for their feelings and behavior. These good reasons are the fears and false beliefs that we have absorbed from our growing up years that create our painful feelings and our defensive behavior.
1. Moving into compassion for yourself starts with noticing your self-judgment. Judgment is the opposite of compassion. When you judge yourself, you are telling yourself that you are wrong or bad for your feelings or behavior, rather than that you have good reasons. Each time you realize that you are judging yourself, consciously open your heart to compassion for yourself. When your intention is to be compassionate rather than judgmental, you will discover that it is not as hard as you think to shift from judgment to compassion.
2. Moving into compassion for others is similar. Begin to notice your anger, irritation, judgment, resentment, or resistance toward others. These negative feelings are the opposite of compassion. Once you notice these feelings, you have the choice to open to caring, understanding – to compassion.
3. Each time you find yourself in judgment for yourself or others, instead of judging yourself for judging, move into compassion for the judgmental part of you. If you judge yourself for judging yourself or others, you will stay stuck. If you embrace with compassion the judgmental part of yourself, you will find yourself gradually becoming less judgmental and more compassionate.
Each time you are compassionate with yourself and others, it becomes easier next time. You will discover that focusing on compassion for both yourself and others will move you toward the peace and joy you are seeking. It all comes from your intent – to protect against pain with your controlling behaviors, such as anger, blame and judgment, or to learn about loving yourself and others. When your deepest desire is to become a loving human being, opening to compassion is a powerful doorway to that path.
Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of a powerful self-help, 6-step emotional and spiritual healing process called Inner Bonding. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com
Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves. (Pema Chodron)
Remember to be gentle with yourself. Do not abuse yourself with harsh expectations of perfection; do not compare. You exist precisely because you are a unique expression of the infinite soul. Comparison, in the terms that you do it upon the Earth, is completely useless and distracting. It reinforces the fear of being and expressing the self, which is the only process that will lead you to joy. (Melchizedek through Scott Amun) (Source: Sedona Journal of Emergence - September 2003) - www.sedonajournal.com
The first thing you must know is your only shot at happiness lies in loving yourself for who you are. We do not encourage you to continue trying to live up to some plastic, marketable image of who you "should be." Even if you do somehow manage to change yourself into what others think you ought to be, you will have the self-loathing inside saying, "Who I am was not good enough. I had to become something else." This is not necessary and only prevents true happiness.
Instead, learn to love yourself for who you are. Your true character - full of what you perceive as imperfections - is your only fortress. The first step is to know exactly what you are. The second step is to accept yourself fully. Only then will you be able to extend the hand of true love to your own self and walk with pride and joy. (The Choir of Light through Freya Ray) - www.freyaray.com (Source: Sedona Journal of Emergence - September 2003) - www.sedonajournal.com
Love is your doorway to enlightenment. Raising your vibration comes from opening your heart. You can open your heart more by loving yourself. Love all parts of yourself, even those thoughts and feelings you may have labeled as negative. If you feel anger or doubt, love those feelings as much as you love your feelings of joy and peace. Love your humanity as well as your divinity. Love your insecurities and your negative feelings. If you feel unforgiving or unloving, love those feelings too. Love all of what you call your “imperfections.” You won’t change them by denying or hating them. You change them by loving them. As you love your negative feelings they can evolve into their positive expressions.
Love all your thoughts, even those that are limited or fearful. Think of them as small children needing your love and assurance. If you catch a negative thought, don’t make yourself wrong for having it. Love all your negative thoughts and they will have far less power over you. If you are imaging things you want to stop thinking about, love yourself for thinking them and it will be easier to stop. Put a positive thought alongside your negative thought; one positive thought can cancel out hundreds of negative ones…
You can love your negative feelings, and thus raise their vibrations out of limitation into the light, or you can hate and resist them. Hating them gives them even more power over you. Love your humanness; it is what you are here to experience and learn from. Love your weaknesses as well as your strengths, for those are the ones that most need your love to evolve. As you love your negative feelings, your world expands and your choices increase. (Orin through Sanaya Roman from the book - Spiritual Growth: Being Your Higher Self)
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. (Joseph Campell)
There is only one success - to spend your life in your own way. (Christopher Morley)
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. (E. E. Cummings)
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him keep step to the music which he hears, however measured or however far away. (Henry David Thoreau)
Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets. (Clark Moustakas)
How glorious it is - and how painful- to be an exception. (Louis C. Alfred de Musset, French Writer 1810-1857)
The man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away. (Charles Schwab)
The hardest struggle of all is to be something different from what the average man is. (Charles M. Schwab, 1862-1939 American Industrialist Businessman)
The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone. (Henrik Ibsen, 1828-1906 Norwegian Dramatist)
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. (Wayne Dyer)
Your Higher Self exists in a state of love. Every time you are loving, kind, forgiving, and compassionate to yourself and others, you are being your Higher Self. Learn to love everything in your life – every feeling, thought, and action you take. Think of yourself as a beautiful, loving person, doing the best you know how to grow and evolve. (Orin through Sanaya Roman from the book - Spiritual Growth: Being Your Higher Self)
As we enter further into these times, the polarization of people is going to become more and more noticeable. There’s one side [ie - Lightworkers] who will be throwing away many, if not all, of the values and norms that society says we’re supposed to strive for, and instead, be grappling towards uncharted territory, and then there will be the other side who will either be actively promoting society’s values and norms through direct participation in it, or, passively promoting it by being unfazed and oblivious to it all. If you’re in the first group, then it can be difficult if nobody around you is on the same path or wavelength when the changes kick in, trust me. This is why it’s called grappling towards uncharted territory, rather than just reaching. There isn’t exactly a guidebook for it. It’s fumbling and stumbling with uncertainty towards some brave new world. And in the process, one can often feel as if they exist in a totally different universe than everybody else around them, because once you begin waking up, you start seeing everything differently, nothing is safe from the new viewpoint. It will affect every single aspect of your life. Next thing you know, you’re standing in the break room at work surrounded by your co-workers’ shallow sound bite conversation regarding television, shopping, celebrity gossip, sports, and what new car they want to trade in the lease for, and you’re wondering, hello, do they even exist on the same planet as you? (Carissa Conti) - www.montalk.net
If you find yourself detaching more and more from the world around you, that is not a bad thing. That does not mean you are not a caring person. It just means you are becoming free from the influences of others as to how you should live your life. You can be your true self wherever you are. Just remember that you don't have to make a big noise about it. Just be it. (Operation Terra) - (Basil W. Maturin)
The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose. (Jo Coudert, American Author)
Sometimes we need to give to ourselves what we are unable to get from others. (Dr Phil) - www.drphil.com
Looking for unconditional love in a world of conditions must inevitably fail. Since all of your brothers and sisters are acting out of shame-based patterns, they cannot offer you the love you know that you deserve, nor can you offer it to them. The best that you can do is raise each other's awareness of the love that is necessary and begin taking responsibility for giving it to yourself.
If you do not take responsibility for bringing love to your own wounds, you will not move out of the vicious cycle of attack/defense, guilt and blame. Your feelings of rage, hurt and betrayal - all of which seem justified - will just fuel the fire of interpersonal conflict and continue to reinforce your unconscious belief that you are unlovable and incapable of loving. (The Christ Mind through Paul Ferrini) - www.paulferrini.com
...you are really Goddess/God playing this game called life, and you may play it however you want. There is no judgment about how you would play it; and whatever expression you bring to it, is all right. It is your own experience. There is no judgment about that experience anywhere outside your own particular judgment or that of those about you.
When you can grasp that, as your truth - you may do it, if you want - you can stop trying to be perfect and get on with enjoying your life and finding more and more the most creative ways to express love; because after all, love is the utter truth of you, simply because love is just another name for divinity; for creation; for the Goddess/God; for All That Is; or whatever you want to call it. (Ptaah through Jani King) - www.ptaah.com (Source: Sedona Journal of Emergence - January 2004) - www.sedonajournal.com
Never devalue or undermine your own worth by comparing yourself with another. It is because we are all so very different that each of us is special. (Dean Fraser)
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. (Zen Belief)
When people find it in their hearts to forgive themselves, it becomes so much easier to turn around and extend that to another human. (Galadriel)
You are an extremely valuable, worthwhile, significant person even though your present circumstances may have you felling otherwise. (James Newman)
We think that we suffer from ingratitude, while in reality we suffer from self-love. (Walter Savage Landor, 1775-1864 British Poet Essayist)
I've learned - that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. (Unknown)
When a person finds themselves predisposed to complaining about how little they are regarded by others, let them reflect how little they have contributed to the happiness of others. (Johnson)
